Everyone is always talking about what super powers they would want, and why. And that’s all fine and dandy, but I want to talk about the supernatural powers that I would NOT want to have. I feel like there is way more negative to go along with these powers than there are positive. There is a reason humans are made the way they are.
Body Part Substitution: This is the ability to replace your body parts, with someone else’s, and then you can gain their powers too. Which sounds nifty cool in theory, but it actually totally creeps me out! And it seems like a totally cruel thing, to steal body parts from other people. Call me old fashion, but I just don’t think that’s very nice. Example: Clare from Claymore.
Anatomical Liberation: Who in their right mind would want to be able to remove limbs and have the go about their business. I mean… that’s just creepy. I do not want my hand to go do something without me… unless of course it’s to turn the lights off when I’m in bed. Maybe then, and only then, would this kinda sorta appeal to me. Lorne, in Angel, could do this.
Additional Limbs: This means you can grow extra arms… extra legs. Even an extra head. Maybe it’s because I’m a girl, but I think I look just fine with what I have. The one good thing about this would be that it would make serving easier. But I just don’t want to be a server anymore. So let’s not go down that road. Spiral, of Marvel comics has this insanely disturbing ability.
Matter Ingestion: You can ingest anything without harm. Now I know it says that there is no harm, but this just sounds like a bad idea. Don’t you think? Now apparently the Dragons in Dungeons and Dragons can do this, but that doesn’t seem too shocking. I mean… dragons typically breathe fire. I would assume that anything can go in or out of their mouth without harm. ha!
Bone Manipulation: Gross, this is just as bad as additional limbs. Maybe worse. They have control of their own bones and others. They can grow them, and change their shape. And all sorts of bizarre things. Like, no. Just no. Marrow from Marvel has this ability. Ermkay.
Self Detonation: Need I explain this? You explode… and POTENTIALLY recover. There is no guarantee. What… why. Klabamus from The Mask: Animated Series can do this. Have you witnessed this from him? Does he come back? Or is it all a lie?
Cyclone Spinning: Can you say motion sickness? I mean, I suppose if you possessed this power, you probably wouldn’t GET motion sickness, but just the idea of it makes me feel sick. So I’ll pass. Ooba Badasaama from Fairy Tail has this ability. I actually tried watching this show, and thought it would be enjoyable if I didn’t have to read it. I just have a hard time with subtitles. I miss all the action because I’m trying to read. Sigh.
Acid Generation: They basically secrete acid. Um, this sounds too dangerous. I mean, what if you like accidentally… oy. I mean, they may or may not have control over this! Gluttony in FullMetal Alchemist has acidic saliva. Um… goodbye french kissing. I like kissing. I don’t want to destroy those whom I wish to lick… Ash Generation: What. Is. The. Point. You can’t create fire, you create the leftovers of fire. Why. Ash in X-Men: The Last Stand. Stench Generation: You smell so bad in one way or another that people go unconscious… or something. Again, I’m a girl. I like smelling nummy. My super power is smelling like a cookie and bringing all the boys to the yard. This is a weird thing. But I don’t think it’s a super power, because I have known so many people with this “ability” – I die. Ed in Ed, Edd and Eddy (who misses this show by the way!) he was a stinky little mofo. By the way, all you dudes out there, I won’t even consider dating a guy if he doesn’t smell good. My nose is super sensitive. And I just don’t want to hold your hand if I have to hold my breath at the same time. Self-Sustenance: Maybe I’m alone in this one. But I like being human. Wait, I may have to take this back… I’d rather not have to pee and what not. But I love to eat. Ugh, see now that I’m thinking about this one, I’m torn. Kryptonians could control their bodies and what they do or don’t need. Lucky them. Okay see now I’m feeling like I’m changing my mind. Ugh, ignore me. 😉 Enhanced Bite: I’m the weirdo who likes to nibble on people. But I don’t want to hurt them dangit! I want to make the laugh, or make a funny face, question my sanity, or ya know, get them all riled up. I don’t want to take chunks. Gluttony from Fullmetal Alchemist has this ability too. He is stacked with the not so great ones.Bad bite and acid mouth. Gluttony shall not be my boyfriend. Plus he has a bad name… so that goes without saying.
Enhanced Thievery: You can steal anything without a problem. Sounds like a good thing, but see, this makes you a thief. A bad person. I do not want this. I would feel forever guilty! Sly Cooper is a master thief. I guess that’s why his name is Sly.
X-Ray Vision: The ability to see through solid objects or people. The reason I wouldn’t want to have this ability, is because it gives me too much power, too much responsibility, and too much opportunity to screw up. And I already mess up a lot just as a normal human being. Superman had X-Ray vision, and all I can think about is Smallville where he unintentionally peers into the girls locker room. Yeah, not okay. There is just way too much temptation with that sucker!
360-Degree Vision: You can see all around you. Like, all around you. Sounds neat in theory, but to me it sounds overwhelming. I mean, sometimes what I see right in front of me is overwhelming enough. Plus, than you have to deal with seeing what people are saying behind your back, or what that ridiculous coworker is looking at when you walk away. Oy, no. Just no. Some things are better left to the imagination. See Opticoids from Ben 10.
Astral Vision: If you have this ability, you can see creatures and beings in other overlapping dimensions. I don’t know about you, but this sounds creepy. What a way to be freaked out all the time. Not only that, but these creatures are likely to be aware that you can see them, and are then more likely to harm you because they feel threatened. I think not. I do not want this. And if you think about it, some people really do have this ability as far as those claiming to see angels and demons. Same concept really. Magicians in Shadowrun can do this.
Death Sense: I don’t know why anyone would want to know when they, or anyone else, is going to die, or how. Especially if you can’t prevent it. Wouldn’t it just cause you to live in dread and waiting for those moments. I think life is too precious a gift to only focus on death. Every single day is a gift, and the uncertainty of it is actually quite beautiful. It makes life mysterious, and less morbid. Naturally, the Death character on Supernatural has this ability. Shocker there. 😉
Feral Mind: Basically you are able to turn to basic primal instincts that causes an animal like rage that’s seemingly uncontrollable. Think of when good boys like Oz turn into a werewolf and hurt the people they love because they cannot control their primal instincts. That and they may not remember the pain and chaos that they caused while in their animal like state. And there’s something to be said about becoming an animal like horny. Them male animals have no control over their instinct to bang. To me, that says disaster and lawsuits ready to happen. Brick Baxter from The Young Guardians is apparently like this, though I have no knowledge of this character myself. Although I do know about Bruce Banner aka The Hulk. And he is definitely in this category.
Divided Mind: Multiple personalities just chillin inside one person. Most cases the “real” person is either not aware that the others exist within them, or they simply have no control over them or when they switch. They are completely sentient in of themselves. Yikabees. No. I think I would lose all my friends. They would find me to be positively insane. And if you get an aggressive second personality, who knows if they would try to take complete control of you! And then you kinda just lose yourself forever, to… ya know… your other self. Think Jack the Ripper in Metal Gear. Or perhaps, more well known, the case of Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde. Which by the way… BBC has a version of Jekyll that is pretty dang good. So head on over to your nearest HULU account and check that stuff out yo diggity!
4th Wall Awareness: Means you know your world is fake. It’s all an act. You know you are a character in a world that is not real! I think this would cause complete insanity. I mean are you really living? And if not, then what is the point? Why would you want to continue doing what you’re doing if there’s no purpose? This one boggles my little mind. All I can think about is The Truman Show, only he DIDN’T know that his world was false, but at least he had a chance to go out into the real world. Example: Lyssa Drak, DC Comics. A more well known example would be Neo from the Matrix. Now I want to do that cool arm waving back bendy thing he does. Sigh. I’m not a cartoon, or super agile move character.
Astral Projection: This allows a persons spirit to leave the body and go about their business on the spiritual plane. But this sounds like a terrible idea because your body is essentially dead, and therefore super vulnerable. If an enemy kills the body, than the spirit is stuck. And also it leaves the body susceptible to possession. Super creepy! Professor X! Yeah Marvel!
Mediumship: It’s exactly what you think it is, you can communicate with the dead. And for obvious reasons, I just don’t want to do that. Do you remember watching Courage the Cowardly Dog? Well Shirley was a medium! Or how about Oda Mae Brown in Ghost, played by Whoopi Goldberg. Ya know the movie with Patrick Swayze and Demi Moore. So good.
Precognition: You can see and predict the future, but the future is always changing, and shifting course. I think that seems like an awful lot of responsibility. And not only that, it seems quite scary! There is a whole bunch of different kinds of precognition that I’m not going to get into. But it’s safe to say that in general, I would not want this! It can happen without warning, whether you want it to or not. I mean, can you imagine the potential for embarrassment? And then add to that all the people that would want to use your skill. You’d end up locked up somewhere by some psycho who constantly wants his future told! Midnighter of the DC comics is a Precog. Or for those of you who are into the Twilight thing, think Alice Cullen.
Memory Manipulation: The ability to completely control yours and others memories. Again the responsibility factor. And on a whim you can be upset about something and all whiny “I wanna forget” and then you do it and then it’s lost forever. I’m sorry, those are the kind of things that cause a person to grow. And then you’d have people again trying to control you. There’s also the potential to confuse your memories with someone else’s. As if my own life trauma’s aren’t enough. I don’t want to have to hang onto other people’s baggage. Hell to the no son. Eric Draven of the Caliber Comic has memory manipulation. Also our super awesome Professor X!
Fear Inducement: Basically, you can make someone very afraid. You control the chemicals in their brain that induces extreme fear. I’m sorry, but that’s just cruel! I know what it feels like to be afraid. I would NOT want to put anyone through that. Turahk from Bionicle is a fear inducer, and so is Freddy Krueger, but that one is just so plain obvious (shivers).
There are likely 1000 more, but I just need to post this already!